Episode 24: Embracing Midlife with an Unschooling Mindset
The middle-age years can be a challenging time but could they be full of promise and opportunity as well? We loved having Missy Willis of Let ‘em Go Barefoot and Sue Elvis of Stories of an Unschooling Family chat with us about midlife and what the possibilities are if we approach this life stage with an unschooling mindset. Please have a look at the Resources below to link directly to Missy’s essay that inspired the conversation and Sue’s latest unschooling book which challenges us not only with our children’s unschooling but with our own perspective. We hope you’ll enjoy our discussion.
We Discuss:
The curiosity we develop over the years of living and learning with our kids
The societal view that learning is for younger people – the whole “you can’t teach an old new tricks” idea
Midlife as a wonderful time to strive with a little more freedom and flexibility.
Examining the societal mindset that “we’ve done our learning and now it’s our kids’ turn”
How when we’ve been learning alongside our children, it becomes second nature to us over time
Viewing midlife in different ways depending on how we calculate it, when we’ve had children and how many children we have
That our eyes are open to possibilities through unschooling and we haven’t been limited in our thinking to things needing to be a certain way
That our identity can be outside of the specifics of what we do – eg, “I am Sue and I unschool my children” rather than “I’m an unschooling mother.” Both are fine but we can choose.
Drawing inspiration from people who don’t have children because they’ve had often more time to follow their interests throughout their adulthood
Embodying a curious and adventurous spirit
That there can be fear in midlife – several things coming our way simultaneously – aging bodies, aging people in our lives, financial strains
Keeping doors open for ourselves just as we do for our children
Two seemingly opposite things being true – on the one hand, we are embracing adventure and living life in the present but there can also be a sense of having had our head down, looking after children and maybe feeling a bit out of step
That there isn’t the blueprint or right answer about our aging process that we might have thought there was, which is both daunting and exciting
How we can’t control outcomes, and we’ve had some good practice living life alongside our kids in an uncontrolling way, not knowing or having a set outcome and maybe we can transfer that to how we think about aging parents and aging selves
Noticing the words we hear associated with age – grey, weak, fragile – and remembering that we can define age for ourselves
Wondering who we would have been without unschooling and having had our children introduce us to such a wide repertoire of things as well as us “spreading a feast” for them
Being with our children or grandchildren doesn’t need to be so much about our identity, but about our relationships
Keeping questions alive, questioning why particular things are the status quo and whether there are other possibilities
Not becoming resistant to change, but curious and proactive in a similar way to as we have with our children
The unique set of challenges that some of the research shows can come up in midlife and developing awareness about them
The more that we can keep wonder alive and ask questions rather than falling into worry, the stronger potential we have for keeping that curiosity alive and seeing it from different points of view
The stereotypes of fast cars, etc defining a midlife crisis is interesting. Could it be instead that people are adventurous and doing what they’ve always wanted to do? Perhaps it’s not so much a crisis as an awakening…
The idea of grandparents treating their grandchildren more flexibly than their own children because they’ve come to an age that they feel permission to really lean in to interests
How, similarly to childhood, things are often separated by age again as you approach the older age once again – the 55+ living communities, exercise classes, etc
The idea of deserving and having earned rest or recreation in older years – is it somewhat dependent on what the previous years of one’s life have looked like? For example, slogging through a job one doesn’t love?
Having more space/time in modern life to fill now that daily tasks don’t take up entire days
Normalizing the natural cycles of life – sleeping, working, playing, resting, moving toward goals
Wanting to feel a sense of purpose which can be different than productivity
That at any age, unschooling is not necessarily drifting through days and planning and setting some goals and intentions can feel good
How unschooling can create a culture of family strewing and sharing and a spirit of learning
Forging a new trail as a midlife person and a parent of older and adult children because we might be choosing to do things differently
Whether societal expectations lead to the challenges people sometimes have in midlife and that maybe we’re well-positioned as people who have already moved around a lot of those expectations
Financial realities – arriving at midlife in a different financial situation than many of our peers and relatives have based on having forgone or modified our career to be care for our kids
Coming into our own and discerning what to say “yes” to and what to say “no” to and learning so much from our kids in this regard because they often have a much clearer sense of this for themselves.
Knowing ourselves and what we’re passionate about, choosing what is meaningful to us
How clear and in touch our children are about who they are and continuing to learn and look forward to what will be and what our relationships with them will be
Enjoying every stage of life, continuing to have curiosity and awe
Whether societal expectations keep us under control … 👀
That our children’s mental health alone can be an excellent reason for this lifestyle
Resources:
Embracing Midlife with an Unschooling Mindset – Missy Willis, Let ‘em Go Barefoot Substack