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Episode 22: Does Homeschooling our Children Shape our Identity?
Have you ever thought about your identity as a homeschool parent? We discuss our identities as home educating mothers and the role that home ed plays in how others see us, how we see ourselves and even how our children might see us and themselves. We were so pleased to welcome Brittany Acciavatti to our conversation. You can find Brittany at @britt_acciavatti on Instagram.
We Discuss:
What it would feel like if our child went to school as far as how we see ourselves, our role, our time
Home education and child development as an actual interest and passion
The decision to home educate often being proactive rather than necessarily reactive
How life transitions naturally lead us to reflect
The potential invisibility of the role of homeschool parent to other people outside of the homeschool world
That because it weaves throughout our lives, it sometimes doesn’t seem like a role
But also …
That we might think of home ed as a job in times of lower energy as a way of motivating us to be present and intentional
How there are often milestone celebrations for children but not as much for parents
How we ease into our identity over time, often after a lot of diving in and gathering of information
How our children see themselves and their own identity
How we see our role/identity in terms of employment/vocation and the undermining of unpaid work
That the homeschool identity evolves over time and some piece of it will likely always be a part of us
Not having a previous model for this identity in parts of your life outside of the homeschooling world
The pressure sometimes of feeling like an ambassador of the home education world
Not pressuring our kids to be ambassadors or perform as a way of defending our choice to home educate or prove how wonderful it is
The natural inclination to want to share things we’re excited about, particularly when they are new to us
The odd dynamic of wanting to celebrate our kids without boasting about our role, or, conversely, access support for struggles without blaming ourselves – our roles are kind of woven together with our kids in the context of how schooled society sees success and failure
The vast amount of personal work and learning that goes into our role, and the potential sense of loss if a child goes to school
That our role changes but does not necessarily lessen as kids get into the older years
The deep responsibility we feel for our children as we partner with them on this path – there is no external entity to ‘blame’
Protecting them from external assumptions and supporting them as they emerge through various stages, but also recognizing the need to carefully fade back sometimes
The importance of our role – needing to be there for those deep and sensitive questions and conversations
Finding time for ourselves and having our kids regularly see that – creating space for ourselves
That we don’t need to take responsibility for other people’s perceptions or opinions of our roles or identities but we can be gentle with ourselves in how we manage that for ourselves
Having collaborative relationships and partnerships with our children and how that can deepen in the older years
Excitement for the years ahead and enjoying the collaborative process with our kids
Home education as something that we choose, but for kids it is simply their life
Our ego – checking ourselves and not taking it personally if our kids are not enjoying things as much as we imagine they might
Protecting our identity and acknowledging our insecurity at times, remembering that our kids are coming from a different vantage point from ours as parents
Talking about the option of schools with our kids, particularly on a rough day 👀 and the insights that kids share
The part that our own social relationships and friendships in the homeschool world (in person and online) play in our identity
The potential slippery slope of losing oneself in a sort of group mentality and the importance of also maintaining connections with non-homeschooling friends and also friends without kids
Also, the helpfulness of finding people who we can feel comfortable with in the realm of home education and even within our little niche and way of doing things
Spending time with home ed people of many types and styles and beliefs and the much wider range of kids and friendships that offers our children
Meeting diversity of opinion and style with curiosity rather than defensiveness
That beginning home ed during the pandemic would likely have given parents a very different entry point to community
How not hanging our identity on being a purist in a particular philosophy allows us to stay interested in what other people are doing and exchange ideas and resources if our child expresses interest in something different
Resources:
My Very Last First Day of “Not Back to School” – Ever Learning