I sat, two competing membership brochures staring up at me from the kitchen table, and tried to make a decision. Zoo or Science Centre. Science Centre or Zoo. These were two memberships we frequently rotated years with.
Our rhythm had gotten thrown off by an unfortunate incident at the zoo the year prior. I’d been accused – fully accused – of trying to sneak into the zoo, LOL. My five year old had walked through the gate with a crowd while we were not quite at the front, not realizing we hadn’t purchased our parking pass yet and weren’t ready to go in. When I suddenly saw him slip through the gate, I asked the other kids to stay put in the line (we were with family friends who were directly behind us) for a quick second while I slid through the gate to call him back. The result was a zoo employee hollering at me to stop, followed by shouting at me, “Ma’am, I can clearly see you’re trying to gain admittance into the zoo without us noticing!” All this commotion was happening while my 5 year old slipped further away.
I caught up with my son, was further questioned by zoo authorities and, needless to say, decided not to purchase the parking pass, loaded into the van and drove about 20 minutes to the Science Centre instead. While there (after gaining lawful admittance), we renewed our membership for a second year in a row, rather than switching back to the zoo.
So here I was, with the benefits of both laid out in front of me. The bright and shiny brochures, each describing why a membership with their facility would bring the richest value to our family. By this time, I’d settled down about the unfortunate zoo incident and was willing to renew the membership. One of the guys was missing the reptiles terribly and I was missing the winding, outdoor paths between exhibits and areas.
Yet the upcoming exhibits at the Science Centre looked very exciting. Should we consider both memberships this year? Could we keep up with both memberships enough to make them worthwhile? We wanted time to tap into lots of other things too – live theatre, movies, books, sports, the arts, exploring.
Decision fatigue. Spoiled for choice. I don’t usually have a particularly difficult time making decisions. I’m generally of the mind that if we’re not doing that, well, that’s because we’re doing this. However when it comes to offering experiences to my children, whether at home or out, I have certainly had my share of Fear of Missing Out.
Why?
I think all parents experience this to a degree. There are so many things to buy, places to go and things to do and we want to take every opportunity to offer our kids the best.
Is it harder for home educating parents though? I think it can be. When we hear of all the things schools offer … bands, clubs, sports, special assemblies, theme days and more, we can feel we need to keep up. Offer our kids everything we can. Make sure they don’t miss out on anything … clubs, teams and activities, beautiful resources, exciting experiences and travel.
Then, there are the other homeschooling and unschooling families. We see the exotic photographs of people worldschooling. We see people using beautiful resources and curricula. We hear tell of kids that are pursuing great talents. We see it all and forget that these are not the same people all wrapped into one. Nobody is doing everything.
Children who are travelling all over the world can’t be clocking four evenings a week at the ballet studio, not at the same time as travelling anyway. And those beautiful photos you saw of the family dogsledding and then posting photos of the Northern Lights? That family won’t make it to the South Pacific by tomorrow morning to post snorkelling photos, like the other family.
They are two different sets of people, unable to be two places at the same time. Somehow, we think we need to be all of those people wrapped into one. The bookshelf full of all the classics may not fit with all the space your child’s art supplies or gaming systems are needing. You may think you need to create your ideal literary lifestyle, but real life may tell a different story. There might not be space, money or interest in what you envisioned. That’s okay though. You can have a joyful life based on the everyday opportunities that make sense for your family.
What we are after is a rich life. We want our children to have interesting things to do, play, read, watch and discover.
What if you are none of the most exciting things? I’m not. I’m quite ordinary and I like simple, basic things. Maybe you do too?
Can there be rich in the ordinary?
Yes. The past year has demonstrated to me that although the things we were doing and buying before the pandemic were by choice, they were still a bit too much. Too much for us, at least. Maybe too much for now. We were enjoying them and we miss them, but we have become so much more creative and content in the space they’ve left behind. It will feel good for each of us to pick back up with the pieces that we really value, but to have some real agency over what those are and at what pace we choose to be involved.
It’s been nice for things of importance to actually be given prioritized time. Creating a birthday card for a family member becomes a key focus, rather than something to tack on after we get back from somewhere. Cooking and baking become an experience of learning and enjoyment instead of getting rushed into an early meal of late night supper in the effort to get out to another evening activity. Everything ties in. When there’s more time and focus on meal preparation, we’ve found there is also more interest in everyone offering input and assistance with grocery shopping, with trying local farm markets, and different stores. There is time to help a grandparent. To learn new skills from grandparents. To meet friends for walks and hikes. To watch documentaries and movies about far-flung places. To actually read the books we already have and play the games already on our shelves. To get to know, really know, the patterns of our local wildlife. To create content – write, sketch, game, code, livestream, compose, sew, quilt, bake, cook, develop ideas.
And you don’t have to be homebodies if that’s not your thing. Beaches and nature trails and parks and playgrounds abound. Libraries and community events will eventually open in some regular way again (and may have already, depending on where you live). If you don’t have a lot of money, it’s okay. Try your local parks and trails and look with fresh eyes.
You can begin projects in your backyard that you can follow through the seasons. These don’t have to be complicated. Plant things. Try a time-lapse video, even a short one if you have things like sunflowers or zucchini blossoms that open and do different things depending on the time of day. Order a few caterpillars (or find your own!) to raise into butterflies. Bury things in the snow and watch until you see them again. Make bird feeders and feed the birds consistently, watching the changes over time.
Fill enough parts of your calendar that you recognize how abundant and rich your life is or can be. If you normally go down to the water a certain time of the week, mark it down. If there is a parade or fireworks or summer concerts in the park, put them in. Take the regular and acknowledge the richness of it. We had “Music Monday” for a long time when the kids were younger, which just meant it happened to be a flexible day that we often had various instruments on the go together. “Post-week Pizza Night” is Friday’s supper. At the end of the day, it’s still just pizza, but there are silly, little things that add up to celebrating each day.
Acknowledge the gift of the public library. Many people have no idea what a blessing most public libraries are. Gone are the days of being able to take out a very few books a week. You can go pretty wild with your choices and quantities and it goes way beyond books.
Embrace the internet and technology in general. Understand the phenomenal knowledge base available through the Internet in the areas of skills, knowledge and just plain enjoyment.
Look really closely when you go outside. Take a picture of a creek or a tree and follow it each month to see the changes. Or each season … no need to overdo it. 😉
Check out fun shops and country stores with some history and character. You might have some local ones you’ve been meaning to check out and if you’re driving somewhere else, have a peek at possible small businesses you can stop at. This has been one of the greatest gems to me. Many of these places have old photos of their history up or might be interesting gift or antique shops where you can sit down for a coffee or treat afterward. It’s kind of like going to a little museum and restaurant all in one.
Invite your child to work alongside you, whether that’s housework, yard work, groceries, errands or helping out with parts of paid work or volunteering.
Take time to think a little less as a consumer and a little more as a producer. Not high pressure production, just simple volunteering together and plain old getting a few things done.
It’s sometimes a difficult thing to highlight the possibilities of the simpler things without sounding as if we’re knocking the brighter, shinier things. We tend to have an “either/or” mentality, don’t we? I know when we had a wonderful day discovering a new playground or coming out of a fantastic concert in the park, I’d sometimes think, “Thank goodness we didn’t spend energy and money going to an amusement park for the day. We’d have missed the great opportunities all around us!” Other times we’d be away on a trip, maybe touring a city on the top of a double decker bus, wind in our hair, and I’d think, wow, we should do this more often. Maybe we’ll become world travellers. This is the way to go.”
Of course, there is richness in both. There doesn’t need to be just one possible way to spend your time. It can be freeing, however, to realize that if you don’t have the time, money or energy for a lot of live theatre, travel, memberships, life will go on. Full life, brimming with possibilities. Everyday life. Even if it’s just for a season that you need or want to slow down, if you listen and observe closely, you’ll likely see how rich your days still are.
You can live from a place of intention. Fill some parts of your calendar with simple, enjoyable, meaningful things. Instead of making muffins for your neighbour on a whim, make a decision a week ahead and mark it on down. It becomes the focus rather than an afterthought or something that never happens.
You don’t need to have endless energy to do elaborate crafts, time to create a beautiful homeschool room or money to buy expensive curricula. You don’t have to travel the world. You don’t even have to be a particularly “fun mum” creating an enchanting homeschool environment. You can just be yourself, let your children be their own selves and find the richness in your own life together.
One of the things I’ve noticed in conversation with people who have been considering home education is that there’s a lot to sift through. A few have said to me they don’t feel they have what it takes as far as energy, money or lifestyle. If they’re looking online, they’re either coming across high energy focus on wild and free exploration, talk about planner and curriculum options, or article after article about self-care. One look at the number of articles in self-care would make you wonder what you’re getting yourself into! Do a search on “self-care for homeschool moms” and see what happens! After several pages, you start to hit articles that talk about “how to survive homeschooling.” I laughed out loud. Survive – oh my!! It’s clear why it might sound like more than a bit to take on. There are some very tough moments, to be sure, but some of those also come with the territory of being a parent. Home education may not need to be as daunting as it sounds.
Children have been growing up for years and years by living life within their families and communities without necessarily having all the bells and whistles. Bells and whistles are those extras that money can buy, pre-planned activities can give and excessive energy can offer. The bells and whistles can be great! We sometimes love some bells and whistles. Can you offer your child a rich life with the ordinary though? Yes. You don’t need to be willing to mountain climb (although you can if you want!), afford the perfect curriculum or be an expert in self-care.
This doesn’t mean it’s easy. It doesn’t mean that it doesn’t require time, effort, patience and self-reflection. It doesn’t mean it’s not important to take care of yourself and gather support and ideas from others on the journey. It just means it doesn’t need to be fancy!
Life is rich on its own. What children need most is love, a sense of wonder and connection. Just get curious about what each day brings and pay attention together to whatever it does.
I’ve been thinking about simple, everyday family life for a while. You can more about that here, here and here.
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