As I drove home early late one afternoon a few weeks ago, I heard a curious comment on the radio. The DJ was chatting between songs and said something to the effect that in a recent poll, an enormous number of parents (I can’t remember the exact percentage, but it was pretty overwhelming) had indicated that summer holidays were a huge stress and that if they could, they would choose to forgo them in favour the kids staying in school for the summer. There were a couple of reasons given:
One was the stress and expense and juggling of daycare and camps in order to manage childcare on the part of families where both parents worked outside of the home.
The other was the stress of having the kids home too much or finding things to keep them busy on the part of families with an at-home parent or at least one able to be home for chunks of the summer.
The DJ said very matter-of-factly that summer is a hard time for parents. He then joked that if summer holidays were cancelled, the kids might riot, following that up with, “And if the kids didn’t, the teachers sure would!” And that was it. Onto playing the next song, which may or or not have been Alice Cooper’s “School’s Out for Summer.” 
I don’t actually remember what the song was but that would have been timely.
This just seems sad. While I don’t remember the song or the exact percentage of parents willing to choose school over summer holidays, the comment has been really impacting my thinking in the past few weeks since. I’m always a bit leery of “polls” and “studies” but realistically, I know there’s at least a good chunk of truth to what the DJ said. Summer is hard for many parents for those two reasons but two things can be true at the same time and there’s another truth …
Kids need to have ample opportunities to move, build, climb, swim, read ( things of their own choosing), sketch, see extended family and yes, play video games and watch TV ( lazy morning with Price is Right and a lemonade – anyone else?) as well as a hundred other things. In short, kids need time to both do and be.
I get that this is not a straightforward thing. There are many reasons that it is not easy or possible to have a parent or grandparent home. I think of new immigrants and refugees just trying to get started, single parents, parents working to afford therapies for their kids, job loss, people in jobs that mean a great deal to them personally but that don’t allow much flexibility in holiday time. I think of stay at home parents struggling with particular challenges of their children without much support or perhaps their own mental health difficulties, parents trying to figure out affordable ways to offer their kids interesting opportunities. I get it because I’ve certainly dealt with a few of these.
Overwhelmingly though, I think of an economy and standard of living that has truly become difficult to navigate but also a society that has become substantially confused between needs and wants, possibly without even realizing it.
I also get the fatigue of parenting. I have not been above making comments about needing a break from my kids from time to time when chatting with friends. Would I sometimes sneak into the bathroom, close the door and sit on the edge of the bathtub, praying for patience and taking deep breaths when the kids were little? Yep.
Here’s the thing though … kids are so important and their childhood is what shapes healthy attachment, opportunities for autonomy and deep living. They don’t get it back and neither parents nor children get the time and opportunity for those shared experiences back. Figuring out a way for that to happen may not always be easy, convenient or comfortable to think about but it doesn’t mean it’s not still important or make it any less true.
Ideas? For me, I’m often deeply inspired by other people so here’s what I’ve seen …
1. Family members and friends who work full-time but schedule their holidays really strategically so that they are synchronized as much as possible with their kids’. The weeks that they do work, they either have partnered with grandparents, traded off with other families or registered for camps that truly take into consideration their children’s interests.
2.I know parents who resourcefully care for other people’s children in addition to their own as a way to make money and still be available for their children and have a lot of fun doing it!
3.You might want to connect with one of those above caregiving parents! The ones I know spend lots of time offering kids creative opportunities, time outdoors, outings here and there and natural down time as needed
4.Many families (and growing in numbers) choose home education so summer holidays are not a problem, just a change in pace or specific activities to the season
5.One or both parents might flex work hours and connecting with a neighbour or friend or older kids on their own for a bit with good connection with neighbours during gaps
6.Grandparents!
7.Facing reality but clearly naming it and making the best of it. What does that mean? Well, there have been pockets of times when I’ve been working more than is ideal for family life and I’ve been honest with the kids ( but not dramatic) about the fact that it isn’t ideal. We’ve strategized ideas to figure some things out and found some ways to make the best of it until we can get on a more even keel.
Canada is a country of distinct seasons and each season is steeped with traditional activities and opportunities and when kids have that free range to just do and be either with family, friends or in their own space, it’s such an amazing thing to watch. Even with my own kids not going to school, there’s something different about what summer brings in Canada.
And I know … kids could certainly do some of this if they were in school in the summer but not to the same degree. So, what does it mean for kids to have summertime time and space?
Since hearing that comment on the radio about some parents wishing for school all summer, I’ve been paying more attention and noticing my own kids and younger relatives and friends ( and even just some random families!) this year and thinking back a bit to summers past as well. I’ve been thinking not only about would they have missed without that freedom this summer and in summers past but what I would have missed witnessing!
Jumping in the early evening, jumping in the later evening till closing time, hanging out with cousins and kids of different ages/ pure fun.
Camping.
Working away at small details of a passion and the true perseverance that comes with that.
Cruising around/ enjoying life…
Having time to notice …
Time to garden, to watch a growth process day by day …
Practical teamwork.
Feeling the waves, noticing water patterns on sand and watching what the wind can do…
Being that classic kid in the summer😃, chocolate milkshake and all …
Floating around in your grandparents’ pool in your pajamas because, well, why not?
Appreciating your own backyard and those you share it with…
Appreciating home and those you share it with …
Then there has been the deep living and learning that is not as easily captured in a photograph…
The learning that comes from negotiating and organizing time when hanging out with friends, siblings or cousins of different ages and interests and the beauty of watching it worked out among them
The maturity of being able to make compromises with their time and choice of activity without even talking about it – a maturity that comes about from having the freedom of ample time that isn’t structured for you
The connecting and building of lasting friendships and family relationships based on shared experiences
The stretching of confidence to be away on an interprovince skateboard road trip with teens from three provinces, meeting so many new people
The looking forward to the annual sewing camp and working all week on a chosen project
The practical skill of managing the schedule of a camping trip in regard to how much time we have and how the time might be best enjoyed individually and as a group based on practical factors – the weather, bugs, hours of daylight, the time different planned activities are happening at the campground, when we need to be back at the campsite for visitors, how particular activities affect people’s moods and energy level (this is an important consideration and one that’s good to discuss!)
The practical skills of campsite set up and maintenance – everything from setting up tents and inflating air mattresses to watching weather and deciding when and whether to put the tarp on. Gauging how much longer the ice will last in the cooler, and what food should be eaten at what time. Building fires and foraging in the forest for more kindling and learning how to use the propane stove to checking the weather to decide what time tent take- down should happen the next day. It’s so much good stuff.
The opportunity for spontaneous learning on a guided tour of one of Canada’s oldest maximum security prison (no longer operational in the last few years) and hearing the respect and insight that the former guards demonstrated in their information and stories that carefully protected the privacy of the inmates. Learning about the evolving process of human rights within the prison system, as well as the development of long term and palliative care as life-term prisoners aged. Hearing about the spiritual and faith services and development of some of the prisoners. The tour leading to our own conversations afterward about the fairness or not of inmates being paid for their work in prison and how that related to the idea of prison as punishment versus prison as rehabilitation/keeping the public safe.
The conversations, conversations and more conversations that happen just every day around the house or in the car that allow for differences of opinion (because there almost always are) and foster critical thinking
Then there’s all the wonderfully regular stuff that results of open time at home!
The “beginning of summer grocery shopping run” for everyone’s favourite summer stuff – lemonade, watermelon, peaches, fudgecicles, frozen yogurt. The budgeting around which ones to get, which stores to go to and how many stores to go considering how far we’d need to drive to save a bit more at a particular store and whether it makes sense given the gas and time needed
The intense video game playing followed by a sudden looking up to head outside for a game of catch or to shoot some baskets
Gathering just the right snacks for settling in to read or watch TV, maybe even an afternoon of marathon watching of a favourite series. It’s OK for kids to relax and enjoy themselves – I promise.
The board games and all the skill-building, sportsmanship and laughs that come with them
The managing of their own time and decision making within it. Do they accept an invitation for a sleepover at a friend’s or just go for the evening so that they will be have more time to collect for their newspaper route in the morning? Do they need more paid work for extra things they want or do they want to just stick with enough to pay their bills so they have time to go camping?
The back and forth to the bank machine to their bank account. The calculating of money and taxes for a skim board purchase and the disappointment that there is not quite enough by the time they pay their cell phone bill. Then, the realization that they will be collecting from newspaper customers next week so they can figure it out then – all so good
The respect they develop and hold for each other’s space and belongings when home together for extended periods – this is sibling / family member relationship learning at its finest
The real-life living and learning. Not living and learning structured by more timed ringing school bells, system protocol, standardized curriculum or structured activities (however fun and well-planned they might be) but by their bodies, minds and hearts
We are increasingly becoming a society of small, gated daycare centre yards, before and after school care, full-time school beginning at younger ages ( 3-4 years old here in Ontario), preschool at 2-3 years old to get ready for JK, to get ready for SK, to get ready for Grade One, enormous numbers of structured and competitive events big and weekend activities – oh my, our kids seem to have a lot to get ready for and achieve. Let’s at least find a way to offer them summer holidays without feeling it’s a burden if we possibly can and if you know of a family that’s struggling, maybe you could help with occasional or part-time childcare or sponsor an activity or getaway of their interest. Sometimes we have to work together- it’s become a tricky world of economic circumstances and expectations.
Minds need time to rest, recharge, contemplate, problem solve naturally, create and do so much more.
They need this in the summer …and maybe more all year through?
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True! I remember summers being a lot about bike riding, hide and seek, lemonade and yes, game shows!
Yes, it’s hard beat a good game of outdoor hide and seek! And game shows:). One summer in particular, I used to bike down the street in a little town from my grandparents’ to my great grandmother’s house and watch Price is Right. I think there was another one too- Sale of the Century, maybe!I didn’t even really like game shows all that much but she enjoyed them so much that it was fun being with her:).