Calling it a Day: One Possibility for a Homeschool Day (or any other kind) Turned Bleak

Perhaps you recognize what I’m talking about when I mention trying to navigate a day that’s gone south.

You might be a home educating parent excited about a great plan for the day. Or maybe you have a natural learning/unschooling approach and are looking forward to supporting a project, curious to see what else will unfold. Alternatively, you could be in the midst of virtual school at home because of the pandemic and you’re pretty sure you’ve finally got a system in place that will work well for everyone. Finally, perhaps your kids are in school and after a week of masks, you’re looking forward to a cosy, fun Saturday at home. You could be anyone, really, aiming for a good day.

Then things slip off the tracks. They slip pretty far and the weird thing is that you can’t quite figure out how.

It’s often a slew of “little” things piling on top of some larger ones that you didn’t know you were still hanging onto. And I don’t know about you, but for me, the “little” things always seem more pronounced when they come on the heels of great expectations for a lovely day.

Hopefully you can bear with me as I invite you to walk in my shoes for a bit on a grumpy day, keeping a sense of humour as we go along.

Maybe you can imagine yourself in this position. You go out to the backyard to feed the birds and it’s just so nice out. It’s a cold day, but the sun is shining as you fill the feeders and scatter a bit of seed on tree stumps. A lone black-capped chickadee watches and chirps and you look forward to going inside and watching from the window to see who else arrives to the feeders. Later today, you imagine you’ll go for a walk and everyone in the family will want to come with you because they’ll see the sun brightly shining and realize that it’s the perfect day for a winter’s stroll. You can smell the quality family time in the air.

Back inside, leaning forward toward the window as you watch for the birds, you are pulled away by the sound of a cat lurching forward behind you, sick to his stomach. It would have been great if he could stepped down onto the floor, rather than remaining on the pure white woven blanket. That would have really been quite helpful.

You have a phone appointment that comes too early and is disrespectful and confusing, but you soldier through with the best manners you can muster. Then you’re frustrated with yourself for being so polite. Dang it! Why can’t you ever seem to stand up for yourself in a pinch?

Several other things follow. Someone’s mood is up and down because of discomfort in their ear that they can’t quite put words to. You’re sure this is the first you’ve heard of it, but you’re told “it’s been going on for days.” How did you miss it? Someone else hasn’t been feeling well for some time and though it’s not their fault, it doesn’t change the fact that you’ve been doing a whole lot of serving lately and somehow not eating or resting properly yourself. Out of weariness, you mutter something resentful and regret it even as the words are coming out of your mouth. You try to apologize, but more resentment sneaks out and you decide you’d better just stop talking.

Remember the ear discomfort that someone has? It reaches a high, their mood reaches a low, and you decide you’re going to need to go to the pharmacy even though you’re still not sure if you’re looking for something to alleviate earache, wax build up, or swimmer’s ear (from the shower … you’re in pandemic lockdown again in the winter. Nobody is swimming right now.) Once standing in the product aisle, you take a deep breath over the price of products that you’re not even sure you need, realizing the likelihood of exchanging a product that involves an ear syringe is slim to none (one would have to assume?), and you don’t want to come back again today, so you grab three options.

While you’re at the pharmacy/post office, you decide you might as well ask if an order has arrived, being clear that there is no expectation that it has, simply some hope that maybe it has since you’re there anyway. You are sure you’ve asked as politely and clearly as possible through the confines of your mask, making sure to maximize the impression of positive intent with expressive, pleasant eyes. It doesn’t work, and the clerk feels pressured and answers in annoyance that it’s not due to come in until the next day.

You start to feel annoyed again yourself. Annoyed by the combination of your hoodie and winter coat – why did you think the hood would fit properly with the collar? So uncomfortable. So restrictive. And how did you end up with this disposable mask on that you don’t like the smell of? Oh right, you were going to do laundry, which included your cloth masks. You hadn’t planned on going into a store today but your plans were thwarted by the ear discomfort.

A bright spot comes in the form of colourful packages of chocolate eggs. It’s early to be thinking about Easter but your mind harkens back to last year, a few weeks before Easter, when you snagged some chocolate to store away for the kids. You were so glad you did because by late winter, there were all kinds of line ups in the stores due to the pandemic and you were all set! Good plan to do that again, you decide. They happen to be “two for a good price,” so you grab a few “pairs,” mildly irritated with yourself for falling for the marketing, but somehow unable to break free.

You bumble your way up to the cash register. You’re balancing your small variety of ear remedies and not so small collection of chocolate eggs. You may even have grabbed a frozen pizza on your way up in case someone complains about supper. You don’t have a basket because you don’t need one – really, you don’t – you were only coming for the ear remedy. One ear remedy. The cashier looks amused and asks if you’d like some bags. You pridefully reply that you don’t, making some remark that the pizza will serve as a platform for the other items.

The pizza does serve as a platform until you step on a stretch of ice in the parking lot and teeter to the side just enough for two of the packages of chocolate eggs plus one ear remedy (the wax-loosening one) to slide off. Nobody can help you pick up your items because, well, Covid 19. You’re briefly thankful that you spent many years working on a strawberry farm and can still work down to a squat and back up without while holding things in your hands. Then there was trick you used to do in early parenting where you could scoop up a baby while also holding a toddler and flip a toy up from the floor with your foot. That should work with the box of earwax loosener. Wait, maybe not quite as well as it used to. Some years have apparently gone by.

You see another customer coming out of the store, walking smartly with a bag in each hand. She doesn’t slip on the ice because her view isn’t obstructed by multiple items positioned on the platform of a frozen pizza. She planned ahead and brought eco-friendly bags. Of course she was able to do that because she wasn’t thrown into coming to the store unexpectedly by someone’s ear discomfort. And also, likely she just generally enjoys a more fortunate life than you do.

What is happening with the weather?? An absolutely miserable wind has whipped up and there isn’t even a hint of that welcoming sunshine from the morning. After wrestling your load of items into the car, you tuck your leg in just before that bully of a wind slams your door shut.

Upon arrival home, that same nasty wind launches you through the front door and one of the cats tries to run out as you come in. Family members greet you with smiles and expressions of gratitude, but you’re in no mood to be treated with kindness! They can likely sense that in your body language and back away slowly.

As you wrestle out of your ridiculous hoodie and coat combination, and sink onto the edge of your bed, head in hands, you realize this has nothing to do with cat messes, unwell kids, ear discomfort, confusing phone appointments, annoyed clerks, cold wind and ice – and yet it does. It has everything to do with the accumulation of those things piled on top of longer lasting, more stressful events and circumstances. Just like most of us have those bigger circumstances running in the backdrop of our lives, most of us also have these days, filled with small things that seem to drive the day off course. Days where you can see the train coming off the track but you just can’t steer it back on.

There are many articles and posts written on how to reset a rough parenting or homeschooling day and there are times I’ve found them helpful. Many have wonderful ideas that include slowing down, reconnecting with your kids, taking some quiet time to yourself. They sometimes involve tea and a good book. They often include preventative measures so that things don’t go off the rails as quickly in the future. I would recommend doing a search for those if you feel things unravelling and you’re able to reset with some tried and true ideas.

Sometimes, though, you’re beyond resetting. Why? Maybe because you’ve been having to reset too much and you just need to call it a day. You’re beyond watching movies or documentaries with the kids or reading together snuggled on the couch. Beyond figuring out healthy self-care. Tea and making your way through words in a book don’t cut it in that moment. Your children might be too little for you to manage a break with tea and a book anyway and trying to soldier through self-care can defeat the whole propose and lead to resentment.

Sometimes you might need to say out loud that you’re calling it a day at 4:47 pm on a Tuesday afternoon in February with the wind howling, woolen socks, snuggly blanket, TV on and a plan for chocolate. Lots of chocolate. It’s possible that you may have extra Easter eggs purchased;). Call it a day and wait out the remaining hours.

And you may be surprised at the expressions on your family members’ faces when you declare that you’re tapping out. They may look relieved, surprised and excited at the idea of someone being honest they need a break. A full stop.

And they may join you and then, there you go! You’ve circled around to being together anyway, but it feels different because it comes from a choice to connect after letting go.

Of course, if you call it a day at 4:47 on that Tuesday afternoon in February, you’ll have missed that quality family walk together. But then maybe the rest of the family wasn’t going to go anyway, at least not happily, and it’s likely better that you didn’t find that out;).