When I was maybe about six or seven years old, I drew and cut out a Santa Claus for the Christmas tree from construction paper. I feel like I have sort of an eye for visual art but my technical skills, both then and now, leave a great deal to be desired! That’s alright because when I sheepishly brought my pear- shaped Santa decoration up to the tree, my dad immediately and happily dubbed it the “Barbapapa Santa” (1970s cartoon character🙂 if anyone is old enough to remember), not in a condescending way but with an excited tone in his voice.
That decoration, along with many other rudimentary creations my younger sister and I brought to hang on the Christmas tree over the next few years, was hung proudly near the front of the tree. Living only about a hundred metres from a Christmas tree farm, most years we headed over together and had lots of say in which tree we’d cut down. We had a tradition of putting the tree up the afternoon of the first or second Saturday of December, after our town’s Santa Claus parade. We would decorate the whole room and I loved finding the places that each decoration or ornament went. The serene wax nativity set went on the piano. The cloth, slightly more joyful looking, nativity set that Mum made would go on the antique washstand, embroidered colourfully, but never standing up easily. Then there was a skinny, twisty Santa Claus that my dad and sister took turns positioning into hilarious poses in different places of the house each day. I’m smiling as I think about it. I love Christmas. I love family traditions that everybody can be involved in.
At probably around the same age, I visited a family’s house whose Christmas tree was “picture perfect.” The decorations were perfectly distributed and themed and the tree itself was evenly shaped to an incredible degree. This was no Charlie Brown Christmas tree. Thinking back to it now, I’d place a pretty sure bet that the family didn’t just walk into the Christmas tree farm and ask the kids if they’d like to help choose the tree. I remember that we couldn’t play in that room and it seemed to me that the Christmas tree was placed mostly to be seen through the window. I asked my mum why she thought that was and she said she imagined the girl’s mother was more particular about how her tree looked than we were. She also said something to the effect that maybe the mother thought of it more as decoration for others than something for the family.
For whatever reason, that particular experience of Christmas decorating, juxtaposed with my own, stuck in my mind. When my own kids were born, I generalized those thoughts beyond the theme of Christmas trees to our home and yard as a whole. I wanted it to feel like everyone’s home. Anyone who created an art or craft and wanted it displayed, had it displayed. And a child who essentially had no interest in producing visual art (I’m looking at you, eldest child) had displays with multiple groups of animals set up in different habitats, or racetrack rugs lined with no fewer than 50 toy cars placed in strategic order, representing a NASCAR race until his dad or whoever else had a chance to see it. If there were no safety or logistical reasons to put it away, why not keep the display up for a period of time?
Kids work hard and creatively at these sorts of things and may have new ideas to add or change the next day. Is it important that we all learn to put our things away? Sure, but not while we’re still using them unless there’s a practical reason. It’s interesting to find ways to respect kids’ creativity when they don’t necessarily express it through the permanence of visual art. And I mean, who doesn’t want to look at a model display battle of a pride of lions versus a coalition of cheetahs on their way to the couch? Really! It’s fascinating when you watch the intricate ways that kids set things up…
It was important for me that the kids were comfortable and felt it was a home that reflected them.
A home that reflects everyone living there can look different from day to day.
It’s looked like wildflower bouquets on Thanksgiving tables that cousins put together from adventures in the field.
It’s looked like sidewalk chalk drawings on much of the driveway.
It’s looked like front rooms filled with hanging clothes from snowy afternoon tobogganing or late night snow angels.
It’s looked like being open to kids making their favourite Christmas treats.
Now that my kids are all of ages that end in “teen” or beyond, having a place they all belong looks different.
It looks like shifting childhood artwork ( but not necessarily getting rid of unless agreed upon) to make room for newer, more intricate paintings and sketches.
It looks like novels, iPads, headphones and beverage containers on the blanket box instead of model animal displays.
It’s sometimes snowboards and related tools on the floor while parts being transferred.
It looks like multiple skateboard ramps my youngest son has built or bought and a big trampoline instead of a swing set and sand box in the corner of the backyard.
It looks like maintaining some familiarity in rooms that used to belong to children who are now young adults so that they feel welcomed when they’re here to visit or need/want to return.
What about parents?
It also looks like sections of perennial and vegetable/herb gardens that I love to putter in.
Bird feeders that I love to watch.
Technology and speakers that my husband loves.
Star Trek and NASCAR paraphernalia on shelves.
Family photos, pictures and knick knacks that my husband and have been given or enjoy.
This is important because it’s not only a family of kids – it needs to be a place where everyone belongs and parents show this by modelling their own interests and tastes as well.
And Christmas decorating? Is it possible to have a serene, adult- centered Christmas tree or decorations? Sure, I think so as long as the kids each have their of way of feeling their ideas are welcomed as well. Maybe one room has a showier tree and the common family space has a craftier or lopsided decoration tree. In a smaller house, without a second open room, maybe kids have their own tree or have their Christmas pictures in the windows. It’s just the idea that everyone feels represented and included in the feel of the home.
And what if what reflects you best is some minimalism and open space? Hmm… depends on the size of your house and how many options you have for rooms. Maybe it’s a good discussion about your need for that and some collaborative ideas for storage or to rotate what gets displayed or left out.
When my kids were little, another mother mentioned that she had outdoor toys on hand in a bin in the garage but kept them put away in a place that she had access to, unless the kids were having a specific playtime because she didn’t feel their backyard needed to become a playground. I kind of get that. I do – especially if you have a tiny backyard but I think there are ways of creatively managing it. For a moment, I wondered silently about our own backyard. Then I felt happy:). At the time, the kids were little and we had a tree swing, family-sized hammock and a slide, a big sand box shaped like truck, various balls and hoops that got put away but could also be easily accessed. We also had my favourite flowers and vegetables growing, garden stones and birdhouses and it felt like “our” backyard. Not “mine” or “theirs” but “ours.” Like the rest of our home, it was a place we each could find ourselves reflected … a place where we each and all belonged.
Grandparents can also create a place where kids belong. It will go a long way to seeing lots of your grandchildren if they feel they belong in that space. At my in-laws’ house, there were always 2-3 containers of things the kids could pull out and use at their leisure – neat little notepads and pens, construction paper and crayons, mini Connect 4 game, jacks, cards little cut- outs. My mother- in- law would often slip something new into the containers between visits and even now that they’re older, she always brings out a mid- afternoon snack with some of their favourite things she’s introduced them too. It’s always been a way of saying they were looked forward to, that they were respected, that they belonged.
My childhood home is now a place where grandchildren belong. They don’t dominate but they clearly belong. There has always been a whole shelf in the corner of the kitchen full of my own childhood books and newer ones added for the grandchildren. When the kids were little, plastic hockey sticks and pucks could easily be found in the basement for a game of floor hockey in the long, narrow-ish kitchen and balloons from family birthday parties were welcome to be used in energetic multi-player games of keep-up in my parents’ big bedroom. Their grandfather’s music room was full of his musical instruments they were welcome to use (well, most of them, with permission). Bikes were handy in the garage for the riding.
The kids even had a third set of grandparents across the road from my parents … Nana and Papa who they’ve known their whole lives. They are always welcome to go over and when younger, had a host of things to do and space to play. Spoiled? No, respected. Welcomed.
And my old Barbarapapa Santa? Still in the box of Christmas tree decorations put away until December … I hope:).
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Hi Erin, this is great. I appreciate the picture of the cat at the top. If there’s anyone who feels at home at our house, it’s the pets🙂.
Thanks Liz! Oh my goodness about the cat in the top picture.That’s exactly it. If there’s anyone who feels at home here, it’s him! I guess that’s probably true of pets in general.
I do remember Barbapapa! I actually think I remember it from the 80s but maybe we were watching old episodes. I love this idea of keeping everyone in mind when we think about what our home is like. When kids are little, I find the house just seems to be all about them. It’s so hard for it not to be and I know it’s a season of life! I actually appreciate the ideas about keeping the parents and their interests in mind too. Thanks for the reminder:).
Hi Mara,
Yes, I think Barbapapa was around for a while so you very likely did see it in the 80s. It looks like I spelled it wrong! I think you have the right spelling – thanks!
And yes, it can be very hard for the house not be mainly about the kids when they’re little but you’re right. It is a season of life! Thanks very much for your comment:).