Mid February is likely a good time to do something interesting and a bit different. Looking back on the day that was and making note of it step by step isn’t something I’ve ever done before. I’ve talked to people over the years about what our days look like and goodness knows I think about it a LOT, but actually writing it down for others to see is something new!
We have what I consider to be a whole life learning perspective. Part of what that means for us is that we value all sorts of interests and activities equally with academics. Now that everyone is older, it also basically means that for the most part, the kids have future goals and interests in mind and are sort of working backwards … looking toward what they’d like to do but doing some background figuring out of what they need to do to get there.
For my oldest, 20, that looks fairly typical at this point – working away at college in the tourism marketing/business field and navigating job opportunities so that he can continue to live in that city after the school year is over – oh, and rental house hunting, figuring out housemates and new lease and all those details…
For the others, it means a variety of things. We’re in different places most days of the week, but lately we’ve mainly been home on Wednesdays and it happened to be a day that I didn’t have outside work commitments, so here is the way things played out on Wednesday, February 19th.
With me often having evening work meetings and the kids having various evening commitments, we have really leaned into their natural teen sleep rhythms and they each begin their day at different times, but usually it’s mid to late morning. Our two sibling tuxedo cats are a big part of our morning. There seem to be lots of antics during the first few hours of the day (between the cats) so although we technically have unrushed mornings more than half the days of the week, one of us has often been breaking up cat fights, picking up knocked over items, woken up to running back and forth across the piano, etc in the much, much earlier hours … sigh. It’s really quite something.
8:30
This particular morning has M and I needing to be out at a couple of stores for supplies he is wanting and then back home while others are gathering themselves for the day. Because I often don’t get home or finished work until quite late in the evening and also don’t have young children anymore, I no longer have any sort of consistent morning routine other than getting up as necessary😊. I do very often go down to my computer in the basement to get some writing or answering of emails work finished.
10:00 – 1:30ish
Back from the store, M (just nicely 19) gets settled on the couch and logs into an online Provincial Math course by laptop. He’s received a college acceptance for September into Culinary Arts/ Management and is working on a Math credit as the final piece of that. Having been given an opportunity for more hours at the job he’s returning to in April, he’s just (last week) decided to change math course formats and found one that he can work through fairly quickly and intensively in order to be available for more hours by April. Hooray for flexibility! I guess it’s “buckle up” for intense timelines though! His intention is to get pretty intensely started on the modules for a chunk of the day, so we’ll see how it goes!
I see S (just turned 17) playing guitar in his room (which is just off the kitchen) as I walk by. We live in a wartime bungalow with a renovated back sunroom plus a couple of rooms in the basement for extra bedroom space but it’s cosy (meaning close quarters) so we see each other a lot in passing, lol, and have to work creatively in sharing space. We have a good-sized backyard but we still have to be pretty resourceful indoors. S seems to have L’s ukulele in there too and is working something out in comparison between the two instruments.
I stick my nose into L’s (14) room. For the last year and a half or so, her time has been a combination of classical ballet, choir and art class, peppered with a lot of open-ended space to work away on her own projects. There’s been a clear shift in the last two months toward pursuing a couple of concrete goals. This morning she’s getting set up, figuring out two live/real-time online courses. My husband fixed up her own desktop for her in time for her to begin and she’s navigating the online process of different formats for creating and submitting work.
She’s really comfortable technologically (as most kids seem to be these days!) and I am far behind in my knowledge and confidence but I’ve offered to sit in on the course content/live classes with her while she sees what it’s like. So far she’s had a few initial orientation classes but with a long holiday weekend and a delay on their end, the meat of the material sounds like it starts today. This particular class is an English class and they’re focusing on the elements of literature.
L is by far the quietest and most independent personality of those of us currently in the house (G, my oldest son is also highly independent- although not quiet – but he now lives away from home) so I offer lots of involvement in careful ways but I’m never sure whether she’ll be wanting/needing it. Today, she takes me up on it, having cleared a spot on her bed for me to sit facing the computer.
The live class is really good. Engaging, funny and some humorous happenings amongst the online participants😉. L and I get laughing HARD at comments and responses to comments that we suspect others might not find as funny as we do. M pops in temporarily with interest about what’s causing all the laughter.
I hop up for a bit to go slice up apple and pineapple for each of them. It seems like a strange combination somehow but it’s what we have left! It does the trick. They each ate breakfast earlier, fixing themselves either cereal or bagels and cream cheese. I deliver the bowls of fruit to each and ask M how the new Math course is going, having a look. Content and format wise, it seems to be fine. I encourage him to set up a fold up table with some extra scrap paper for rough work since he’s working on the couch. He’s more thankful for the bowl of fruit than the work advice and continues on as is😉.
I settle back down with L in her live class until it finishes. We chat quite a bit about how it seemed and what might work best for note-taking. We look through her notes from the class and have some conversation about the elements of literature and how things like direct characterization and indirect characterization play out in some of the other books we are familiar with. We compare it to movies. S hears the conversation and joins us. He has perspective about other books, movies and video game POV (points of view). This is pretty predictable. Sort of quiet by nature, he loves conversation about this kind of stuff. He becomes slightly amused/frustrated during the conversation by L’s more linear way of looking at things and flashes me a quick knowing smile, careful not to hold it too long lest it seem disrespectful to her, lol. S and I share a Myers Briggs personality type and tend to see lots of the things the same way. I’m in awe of how he walks the line of offering perspective and being respectful of others in the house who have other personality types. Hmmm … am I sounding biased about our common personality type?
L decides to listen to the recording of another live class (well, it was live before it was recorded! ). It is a Learning Strategies class (they are technically called “meetings,” which I think is kind of neat) and the live times are in conflict with the English classes so she watches the recording of the other class afterward. She can watch whenever she wants really – it’s very flexible – but she’s decided to keep her time in blocks so that she participates in one live and then watches the other afterward. She seems pretty decided on this but is also wondering as the course work grows, whether to do some of the work directly after the class rather than going straight to another class. As creative as she is, she’s also very concise and thinks about her time carefully so she’s still working that through as she sees how things play out.
What I love about her opportunity to take this Learning Strategies course is that it’s something she has been interested in taking. She really comes alive in thinking about goal setting, objectives, different learning styles, personality styles, time management and absolutely LOVES representing things visually. I notice she’s been writing herself helpful notes and reminders. She is quite excited to begin work on a Vision Board next week.
The interesting thing is that this particular course is considered a sort of easy/nothing type credit from a Provincial standard point of view, but not in her mind – she’s already begun delving more deeply into both theory, examining her own preferences and tendencies as well as technical options for creating and representing her information. (Shortly after beginning it, she asked me if I knew of a psychology course she could take, so I can see it’s gotten her wheels turning.) Because she’s taking this class by choice and in her own space, she doesn’t have to be encumbered by expectations of level and can just enjoy and grow from the information and opportunities.
I connect back with M who, although still not interested in the fold up table for rough work😉, is interested in some partnering from me with thinking through the next section of the course. We had realized that the drawback to having this really independent and flexible format is having less direct instruction. We go over a piece together and he utilises both Kahn Academy and links from the Usborne Dictionary of Maths and feels back on track.
And what is S doing while M and L are looking pretty mainstream with their “coursework?” Technically, he is on the corner of his bed reading a musician’s biography, but he’s immersed in it so I don’t intrude to find out exactly what it is. Generally speaking, I’d say S is life learning /unschooling in a pretty classic way right now. He’s in an interesting position. After doing several standard online courses in his first couple of years of technically being high school age, it was pretty clear to him that with his need for movement and hands on/real life activity, combined with his interest in good discussion about intellectual and philosophical things, he needed to make some changes and mix it up. He is highly kinesthetic and tactile and also philosophical, liking to ponder things with someone or a small group. None of those needs were being fully met by sitting hours at the computer, doing too many online credits even though some of the credits were definitely high quality and enjoyable.
So, he and I have chatted about the different things he’s doing and how they can play out from a diploma equivalency standpoint, depending on what he decides to do, as well as how some of the things he’s doing are already naturally keeping lots of doors open for the future.
He’s involved in a private carpentry mentorship, sometimes hired to do commissioned work or assist with installation jobs by the carpenter himself. He works on the sound/video at church with my husband. He skateboards recreationally as well as with an organization, snowboards and plays basketball. He spends time on his own listening to, playing and researching different genres of music, experimenting with photography, learning French, theology and delving into the bible. We explore literature with a small group on Thursdays and he has a real appreciation for that. He has always been a helper. He’s the first guy to pick up a shovel or fire up the snowblower and has a growing tool set at the ready if something needs to be fixed.
On this particular day, he’s come off of a busy week and seems to be decompressing. The weekend before last, he traveled north to Muskoka Woods with a group of guys for a full weekend skateboarding retreat (big indoor skatepark of course, way too snowy for outdoor, lol) with Skatelife, a non-denominational skateboarding organization he’s become really involved in over the last three years. He went to a woodworking convention the end of the week with the carpenter he is mentoring with and was back in time for me to quickly meet him after work and drive up to a Snow Camp/weekend retreat with his youth group.
In honesty, I think he’s mulling some things over right now. He’s learned a lot these past few year, has a lot on his growing transcript/portfolio and he may well continue in the carpentry direction quite naturally. There’s just something that feels a bit funny about having an open-ended approach to life at an age when so many other people seem rushed about meeting certain milestones. I do think though that he has the benefit of having seen G take a year to work full time before heading to college and M take a year to do some prerequisites and begin to work part-time again before applying to post/secondary. He knows that whether he takes time before deciding on a post-secondary path or does something entirely different, it is valuable.
1:30 ish – 4:20
Somewhere between 12:30 and 1:30, people have gotten lunch. There was soup and leftover casserole heated up and /or sandwiches made while I took some pockets of time here and there check work messages.
Now, around 1:30, we all settle together in the living room. This is often a collaborative time of day that has been one key over the years to keeping connected. We have a number of things that we have read, looked up and discussed together. Currently we are spending time with Usborne Introduction to Music in combination with a variety of online music links through different eras, exploring the history and roots of different genres. We also have been exploring economic, business and political ideas. We talk, read pieces out of books, look up some of those ideas, relate it to things and situations we know and laugh a lot. M and S get a lot out of these times in particular. Today M has a great new speaker that he was gifted by a friend and he is loving the sound and changing colours. It works perfectly for our music links and the cats are startled to hear how much louder it is than usual and how brightly it lights up with the changing tempo of the music.
4:20ish
S looks at the weather forecast for tomorrow and after seeing more snow, decides to go ahead and put his newspapers for his paper route together and deliver them now. We have a day at the library/ community centre with friends tomorrow and the snow will slow everything down a bit – better to get them done now, he decides.
L relaxes with her iPad.
I start cooking supper.
While fish and potatoes are baking, M and I connect at the kitchen table to finish up some paperwork, plans and acceptance details for college in September. It starts off okay but we are both tired of details. He is wanting to get to the mall to meet friends and seems really rushed. We have a “moment.” Maybe 2 “moments.” It’s been a lot of these details to apply for different programs lately and my work schedule over the past few days has made it so that it’s been hard to just sit and lay everything out at once. This was our chance. I’ve been looking forward to it and I’m irritated at his irritation, lol. He explains that there’s been a time mix-up and his friend’s phone has died so he is there waiting for him. We compromise to get at least one piece finished and to leave the rest if it’s taking too long. I feel frustrated with myself that I let my impatience/ stress get the best of me when he’s been working so hard and considering so carefully between two programs for next year. We both acknowledge that it was maybe the wrong time of day to sit down to this and are apologetic. It’s not 100% resolved but neither of us ever takes long to forgive and it’s okay for now.
5:30
We have dinner (without M, who has headed to the mall) and while my husband handles kitchen clean up, I ask S and L for help grocery shopping after supper. There are a lot of good deals at the store and I’d like to do a “big shop.” They come along and we do indeed do a big shop (!), so it’s all hands on deck with carrying and putting away.
8:00
They play around with Snapchat filters and take some fun photos of me and themselves (they won’t let me use the ones of them here, lol).
They suggest that we watch YouTubers called Dude Perfect, which I’ve seen glimpses of but I soon see they are well-versed with. We watch hilarious episode after episode of different stereotypes of everything from snowboarders and skiers to camping and Christmas traditions. Everyone’s in the type of mood where everything seems hysterically funny!
10:30ish
Two and a half hours (and some snacks) later, we reluctantly turn off the TV as we realize that our eyes are glazing over and each head either to bed (me .. well, soon) or to unwind for the night (them).
My day ends with me texting my oldest son,G, to send him best wishes for the job fair event the next day that he and his class partner are coordinating for one of their courses. He responds with confusion and reminds me that actually it has already happened – it was today. Oh. Well, I offer congratulations instead on what sounds like a reasonably successful event. It’s the thought that counts …
I imagine I’m not the only one with a mix of wonderful joy and downright imperfection in my days? Feel free to share!
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I really enjoyed reading about your day! You express a lovely way of moving in and out of their day/learning, as needed. I love the fun photo and my kids, too, think Dude Perfect is hysterical. That is one I always laugh with when I watch with them.
Hello Nicola, thank you so much:). I just popped over to your blog and read about your week in the life – what a great mix of things you guys have happening. As for “Dude Perfect,”I don’t know how I haven’t been aware of it all this time. It fits our sense of humour perfectly;).
Thanks Mara:). Yes, it does look different. Gone are the days for us of getting together with a big group of children to watch the salmon swim upstream and jump the creek ladder, followed by an afternoon of exploring in the valley. And then maybe stopping at the library for a whack of beautiful picture books – can you tell I get bit nostalgic, lol? Those days were often very tiring though too! I’m glad to hear the relationship part came through because, yes, that has been such a very important piece. I’m also glad it was helpful to see that there are imperfections – those are actually much greater than I can write about, as I’m sure they are for many people, but the relationship and connection go a long way to helping with those too.
Thanks Liz! It was fun to track it a bit and write it out:).
“There’s just something that feels a bit funny about having an open-ended approach to life at a time when so many other people seem rushed about meeting certain milestones.” That spoke to me so much. My daughter now being a teenager, I’m finding that things are looking so different now. Part of it is me understanding her learning and interests (things seem more obvious when they’re younger??) and the other part is people’s expectations of what teenagers should be doing, how defined their future plans are, etc. I can see so many amazing things happening with her interests, focus, maturity and I have to work hard to focus on supporting those instead of focusing on the outside voices of whether she’s picked a career path by 16/17!! Thank you, thank you!
Hi Allie,
I was just thinking about your comment that learning and interests might seem more obvious when they are younger and I think that’s been my experience too! As they get older, they are sometimes more inward-looking, private and independent and it has taken considerably more thinking through on my part as a parent, I think. And yes, there can be a lot of pressure about what teenagers are “doing” or what “their plans are.” I think a lot of times it’s just a way people make conversation, to be honest. I’ve even caught myself asking those same standard, close-ended questions of teenagers I come into contact with. It’s just habit, but those are really narrow questions to ask them when they may have a whole range of things they are interested or involved in and may just not be defining them as “future plans.” There are so many people who I think feel they don’t have much choice in the path they take so it’s pretty amazing to be able to watch someone figure it out for themself (with guidance and support as needed). Thanks and all the best!