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Episode 33: Gently Easing into the New Year for Parents and Kids
Following our Episode 32, Being Intentional for the Holidays – Finding a Fit for our Families, we continue the theme of deepening our understanding of what works for us, this time as a new year begins. We discuss our thoughts about resolutions and goals for parents and children alike, as well as share thoughts about the line parents walk between facilitating and encouraging kids as they journey into a new year or phase and knowing when to “let be” and step aside. We talk about how that can all happen with gentleness … our “successful” interactions as well as our fumbles. We’d love you to have a listen!
We Discuss:
Choosing to extend the holidays to stretch on into the new year and easing in at our own pace
Reframing goal-setting … thinking not only about what we might do but how we might like to feel
Considering what part of ourselves we want to bring out more of or explore throughout the new year
That thinking about the whole year can be overwhelming at times
Considering changing a Word of the Year to thinking more seasonally if that feels like a better timeframe
That things become easier as they become habits
SMART goals
Laying out some concrete ideas about the “where,” “when” and “how” to help us and our children make things we’d like to pursue happen
Looking for the opportunities that are already in our week and centering those
Pairing things we enjoy or pairing a more challenging thing we’re interested in with a simpler joy (running plus music)
Looking at the activities for the next period of time or season and discussing with kids the details everybody wants to fold it in
That not all families find that it works to sit down and have set planning or goal-setting meetings
Lists as menus or possibilities rather than “have tos” – we can redefine these for ourselves
Being aware of our energy or enthusiasm not being over the top in a way that might lead our kids feeling pressure
That writing ideas down can actually soften our “over-enthusiasm” about ideas for our kids because we’ve moved our thoughts out of ourselves and put them down in a place they can choose from or not
Internal versus external motivation and not stepping on our child’s internal motivation, straddling a line between being there to support, encourage and facilitate but also recognizing that they are very capable of doing those things themselves.
Being a partner to our children and understanding it’s not entirely equal because really it’s their life
How the relationship piece plays a very important role in clarifying and offering grace when/if we’re overstepping or hanging back to much
That there can still be value in offering children chances to reflect and set goals and intentions even if it’s not taken up as enthusiastically from one time to another
Our intention toward respect and consent shining through despite our inevitable fumbles
How things are never fully figured out – mistakes as opportunities to learn, reflect and apologise
Stumbles and moments of conflict as offering possibilities for deepening connection and understanding
“Resolution” as a word that brings up images of holding on tightly
The vastness of a new year as a source of overwhelm – remembering practical details, feeling pressure to get answers from kids as far as decision-making around activity registration, vacations, etc
The potential heaviness kids feel in making decisions for kids and supporting them by loosening our grip on the outcome
Validating their experience of overwhelm while still holding gentleness around the big picture so that they can land softly with us
The reality of our society being very attached to performance and a particular order to things and that our children will likely pick up on that to a degree regardless of our intentions, but we can hold space for them in a different way
A preference for looking back and reflecting versus making plans and looking ahead – people are so different about how they prefer to process
The important role we can play as parents in paying attention and respecting our children’s individual ways of processing
Growth and gratitude in reflecting, opportunities for highlighting and celebrating growth and having gratitude in looking back
Assumptions that we have to start something fresh in the new year rather than continue or deepen what we’re already doing
The fascinating degree of difference in the way people plan, goal-set and reflect – not judging our kids but rather trusting their process
Encouraging our children to notice what they enjoy and find ways to bring more of that in
That sometimes if we have an external framework or chosen challenge, it can help us bring something we enjoy into our everyday life
If we hold them lightly, things like challenges can add possibility and fun rather than pressure
The very cool experience of seeing our older kids come into their own and find their own way to goals and habits that are important to them
Trust: We don’t necessarily need to specifically teach our children how to set goals and resolutions because as humans we often inherently find our own way to grow
The more we trust, the more kids feel themselves to be trustworthy people
How kids’ brains are often working on something and growing in a particular area that has little to do with our preferred timetable but everything to do with their own process
That it’s less about controlling the conditions and events of the new year, but more about who we want to be – what’s the part of ourself that wants to be there with our child regardless of what the year holds?
Taking care of ourselves ❤️🤍
Resources:
Lists or Not – How Do We and Those We Love Keep Organized, Virtual Kitchen Table Episode 16
The Happiness Project – Gretchen Ruben
The Twelve Week Year – Brian P. Moran
Deschooling Imperfectly: The Beauty of Intention, Virtual Kitchen Table Episode 20
Ten Benefits of Making Mistakes – Taking a Kinder Path
Joy Lists – Taking a Kinder Path